The angel and the devil.
All of the homework and exercises that have been given over the past two weeks in the MKMMA course has sent my psyche into a spin cycle. While I know the outcome of all the work will be positive, I am working overtime on mediating the internal war between my positive and negative mind. I feel like a cartoon character where I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and the battle between the two is quite dysfunctional. The Devil has ruled far too long as her strength is as solid as an Iron Man contestant. How the hell did I let my mind go for so long? Now the angel has appeared with new information and a new way of thinking and like anyone that is not good with change the Devil is throwing a fit, “You can not walk in here after you just up and left years ago and think that you can run the place!”
As I have always been a person to challenge myself to grow and expand as a human being I always looked at the process of change, as being an external experience. And I looked at growth, as being purely an internal experience. I have learned to go with the flow and accept external change. I know that flowing with change, and not resisting it, actually can bring you to a better and happier place. But going through this course I feel as much as the exercises and teachings may bring on growth, I feel it is bringing on a lot more change. And like the Devil I have been blindsided by the Angel and the resistance and flow are creating backwash.
I just looked up the definition of backwash in the dictionary and I find one of the meanings to be very inspiring.
backwash (v.)(used with object) to clean out (a clogged filter) by reversing the flow of fluid.
I never really looked closely at the fact that mental change may actually be the hardest of them all. Like when I quite smoking after 13 years I just quite cold turkey and walked away like it was never an addiction to begin with. But drinking coffee has been a daily battle I would have guessed it to be the other way around for myself. But it is time to clean it all out, backwash out the negative, and let the positive flow through freely. The Angel will find her strength again while she puts plugs in her ears and continues to work overtime on designing the new Blueprint of our life. It is a marathon, not a race. PEACE.