Ten years ago I went to a meditation course in the Sierra Nevada’s called Vipassana. Vipassana is the second highest form of meditation that the monks do. We were not allowed to look and anyone or talk to anyone for 10 days while we meditated for 10 hours a day. This had to have been one of the most intense life experiences I have had to date. I learned so much about my own mind and my fears during that time of silence. I saw things on a deeper lever. My hearing became so intense that people walking near me with socks on would hurt my ears. I was to start to predict the weather all by tuning in a trusting my intuition. I have never been so connected with the earth and the universe. It was an experience I will never forget. But as time moves on we forget what we have learned and the ego takes back over until we wake up again ready to take back out lives.
I was excited to dedicate some time to silence again. Some days I crave going back to that course and digging deeper into the practice and fully tuning in. Many days I do spend a lot of time in silence. Before this course I would actually drive to and from work in complete silence. Most of the time I am at home the house is completely silent. Not only did I spend most of the weekend in silence I dedicated the weekend to me 100%. I normally clean on the weekends and I did not even pick up a rag.
The week leading up to the silence was challenging it was the 1st time that one of my goals on my DMP did not come to fruition by the date that I had set and this sent me into a tailspin! I started to beat myself up. I started to give up. And I felt myself pull back from the course and distance myself from the exercises. Then I entered the weekend and allowed myself to feel all of it. I allowed myself to feel the disappointment, the fear, the anger at myself, and released any perfectionism. Then I was able to look at the root of why I did not achieve this goal and I realized that at this moment in time it really was not something I truly truly wanted. It was not truly my bliss. Like on a bliss scale from 1 to 10, 10 being completely blissed out, this goal was like a 4. I allowed my self to feel without resistance and let it all flow through me.
The Monday prior I started my 1st stand up comedy class. Stand up has been something in the back of my mind that I had always wanted to try but was way too afraid to even take the first step. But once the New Year rang in I decided that this year I was going to face this fear and get out of my comfort zone and learn a new art form. What is interesting is that I almost put “performing stand-up” on my DMP, but thought other things should take its spot. And to my surprise now 2 classed in I absolutely LOVE it! I cannot wait to go to class every week. My mind has started writing joke all day long. I feel complete bliss! So what I really learned in the past 2 weeks is this: If I set a goal that does not get achieved then maybe the goal needs some reassessing and maybe at this moment in time if there is any resistance it is not the right path and I need to gravitate and give attention to the things that feel they are in the flow. I am not failing. I am learning. I am learning to continually follow my bliss. What is crazy is that even though class is almost over I feel like I have let go of so much standing in my way that now I am ready for the class to being all over again. What a long strange trip it has been! PEACE.