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Week 22a-In The Silence

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      Ten years ago I went to a meditation course in the Sierra Nevada’s called Vipassana. Vipassana is the second highest form of meditation that the monks do. We were not allowed to look and anyone or talk to anyone for 10 days while we meditated for 10 hours a day. This had to have been one of the most intense life experiences I have had to date. I learned so much about my own mind and my fears during that time of silence. I saw things on a deeper lever. My hearing became so intense that people walking near me with socks on would hurt my ears. I was to start to predict the weather all by tuning in a trusting my intuition. I have never been so connected with the earth and the universe. It was an experience I will never forget. But as time moves on we forget what we have learned and the ego takes back over until we wake up again ready to take back out lives.

I was excited to dedicate some time to silence again. Some days I crave going back to that course and digging deeper into the practice and fully tuning in. Many days I do spend a lot of time in silence. Before this course I would actually drive to and from work in complete silence. Most of the time I am at home the house is completely silent. Not only did I spend most of the weekend in silence I dedicated the weekend to me 100%. I normally clean on the weekends and I did not even pick up a rag.

The week leading up to the silence was challenging it was the 1st time that one of my goals on my DMP did not come to fruition by the date that I had set and this sent me into a tailspin! I started to beat myself up. I started to give up. And I felt myself pull back from the course and distance myself from the exercises. Then I entered the weekend and allowed myself to feel all of it. I allowed myself to feel the disappointment, the fear, the anger at myself, and released any perfectionism. Then I was able to look at the root of why I did not achieve this goal and I realized that at this moment in time it really was not something I truly truly wanted. It was not truly my bliss. Like on a bliss scale from 1 to 10, 10 being completely blissed out, this goal was like a 4. I allowed my self to feel without resistance and let it all flow through me.

The Monday prior I started my 1st stand up comedy class. Stand up has been something in the back of my mind that I had always wanted to try but was way too afraid to even take the first step. But once the New Year rang in I decided that this year I was going to face this fear and get out of my comfort zone and learn a new art form. What is interesting is that I almost put “performing stand-up” on my DMP, but thought other things should take its spot. And to my surprise now 2 classed in I absolutely LOVE it! I cannot wait to go to class every week. My mind has started writing joke all day long. I feel complete bliss! So what I really learned in the past 2 weeks is this: If I set a goal that does not get achieved then maybe the goal needs some reassessing and maybe at this moment in time if there is any resistance it is not the right path and I need to gravitate and give attention to the things that feel they are in the flow. I am not failing. I am learning. I am learning to continually follow my bliss. What is crazy is that even though class is almost over I feel like I have let go of so much standing in my way that now I am ready for the class to being all over again. What a long strange trip it has been! PEACE.

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37 Comments

  1. Sara, I Loved the feeling you shared in the long days of silence. With 2 and less intense it was overwhelming for me. 10 days and I’d be living on mars.

    • Ha! Sometimes I did feel like I was going crazy! Hahaha! It was hard mental labor that is for sure!

  2. You are definitely not alone when it comes to feeling the need to start over! And I really like your “Bliss-Meter”. Nice test to see if the DMP fits or not. I’m going to try that.

  3. it sounds like you had an enjoyable 2 weeks finding more out about yourself. I agree with you that this class has been perfect for so many of us. We can do this!

  4. Vipassana meditation is very powerful! I am sooo happy that more and more people are doing it and share their experience. On the specific goal on the DMP, I like to think that maybe the Universe is preparing something even bigger for you, that you do not even expect. Wait and see…

    • Chiara, I agree I have fully decided to let go of control and let the universe fully guide me in the direction it wants me to go. I feel it so strongly now that it has it’s own agenda for me- it has just been waiting for me to agree- ha!

  5. Failing and learning go hand in hand. Its a magnificent experience. Recognizing it is a great relief. Love the fact you are enjoying it your new adventure.

  6. Who are we anyway to put a date on a goal? Like you, I have goals where the deadline has passed, only to reveal that I wasn’t ready to reach the goal. I am starting to think of goals as origami, I have no idea how long it will take me to unfold the darned thing…

    • That is what I am thinking. Putting a date on a goal made me more stressed out about it! I may just lose the date, keep the goal, and roll the dice- ha!

  7. Wow Sara! Great post. Thanks for the insight into why your DMP date didn’t manifest. Gave me a lot to think about. Amazing how clearly you wrote. I felt like I was there with you at Vipassana in Sierra Nevada’s. I truly love the Silence. Be Well

  8. I really like this. So glad for you. It gives me encouragement as I can see in little ways mine is coming.

  9. You know your stuff. So grateful to be classmates. People around you are lucky to have you.

  10. Oh Sara how bless we are to have you!
    Thanks for the clarity and the reasoning behind goals that don’t happen on time, or not at all.
    You have opened my eyes and my mind just that little bit more.
    Looking forward to your performance.
    Mahalo
    Peace.

  11. Thank you for posting Sara, I once again found something of value in what you are writing. I’ve had to fight through not keeping promises from my service cards for instance, and have really had to focus on why. I came to the same sort of conclusion, that it shouldn’t have been put there in the first place. Can’t wait to come see you at the Improv or the Pasadena Icehouse!

    • I will definitely let you know if I am on stage that way!

  12. What a fantastic story and experience Sara. It’s funny how many of us, myself included, have had experiences that somehow have gotten lost in the daily drone of life only to be rediscovered or remembered through this course and the Silence. I fought with my monkey mind much of my day of silence. That skills is something I will need to practice. But, the blessing that came of it was the level of committed support my wife gave me during that day. In September, she thought I was nuts (to quote her). My day of silence, despite her being in the house, the mice may have thought we had moved out 🙂

    Thank you for sharing your experiences; I now have a vision of you at Vipassana in Sierra Nevada’s “Speaking to Her, thou, for She hears, and spirit with spirit can meet. Closer to Her than breathing, nearer than hands and feet.”

    This will surely help with my next Silence exercise!

    • Thank you Bob! I love it, “The mice may have thought we moved out” My husband was working all day when I did the silence and he was like “Why can I not be there for that- ha!” I love to make noise- ahahaha!

  13. Truly appreciate hearing how to handle my dmp not manifesting. Think I have been afraid of that happening. So appreciate your insight!!!

    • It actually is easier to deal with then we perceive it to be! ha! I have not forgotten about the email you last sent I will respond tomorrow 😀

  14. You are a very wise woman, Sara. Mahalo to for sharing your week’s experience and thoughts and feelings so transparently. I wish you great success in all you do. Yours in Gratitude, Light & Love, Peace & Joy wendyht

  15. I like the way that you say… I am not failing… I am learning-to follow my BLISS. Cool Cool! So are you going to put up some comedy on youtube for us to check out?? Super excited for you!!

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