Since I was 14 years old I was interested in Tarot cards. They had always mystified me. The fact that so many people are uneasy about them is what I believe sparked even more interest.
One afternoon I was with my family at the mall, my mom and I split up from my father and brother and slipped into a B. Dalton Book store. My mom went off down aisle of endless fiction novels and I wandered off to the controversial aisle of metaphysics. I scanned the row for the tarot cards afraid to pick up the box because maybe my fate was the ever-feared card of “Death”. I found the one deck on the shelf that was the least intimidating and studied the packing wondering what all the fuss could possibly be about. Then out of nowhere a lady with short black hair, cut into the perfect strait edged bob, walked past me and says, “Be careful. Those are all mighty cards!” I looked at her wide-eyed and froze for a moment then glanced back at the cards for a few seconds and when I turned back around she was gone. I poked my head out of the aisle and she was nowhere in sight. I put the cards back on the shelf unsure if I should listen to her or not. I did not have any money to buy them at that moment anyway so I took that as a sign that maybe I was not ready for their wisdom.
6 years later I finally started to study tarot. I was still terrified of the death card and all of the cards that felt they were laced with doom. And I could start to see why the lady warned me. I did not understand fully the art of the tarot and it took me years to learn how to really use and read the cards. The tarot truly is just a projection of the subconscious and when you change your world within you will see that even in the world of tarot the cards will lay out differently in the world without. When I eventually learned about what all of the suites really meant the cards became less intimidating. I just realized that this was my way of checking in with subby before I even really knew what I was doing or why!
Cups are a projection of emotional part of you. Wands or Staves are a projection of the spiritual part of you. Disks or Pentacles are a projection of the physical part of you. Swords are a projection of the mental part of you. The day that I really realized the “death” card does not mean I am going to die next week, and it is actually a symbol of something big in life is coming to an end and something significant is about to begin- I rejoiced!
But before I found the true meaning of tarot and how it actually works I would draw cards and take their meaning and try to make them relevant to one thing I would be questioning and/or wanting to change. These things would always be something external, a person, a problem, a lack of something I thought I needed, etc. Then the card that I would draw would stay in my mind for days. And it would not be until days later that something would occur in thought or in the physical realm that would show me the meaning of the card had nothing to do with anything external and the meaning of the card would have a message for me that was much deeper. And I always feel blessed with that “ah-ha” moment.
The week I had one of the same “ah-ha” moments with one of my PPN’s. My PPNs (a.k.a Personal Pivotal Needs) are Liberty and Recognition for Creative Expression. When I first chose “Liberty” as being one of my PPNs I took instantly read that, as I needed freedom from my desk job. Since everything in my life that I was focusing on surrounded career. Then as this week progressed it came to me. My PPN has a deeper meaning for my life that I was completely overlooking. Yes, it does ring true that my heart wants to be free from working jobs that do not align with my purpose. But first and foremost “Liberty” has came to me to show me that first I need to find “Liberty” in my mind!
All of these weeks I have been devising different plans of how to leave the desk job. What was I going to do in the mean time until I built my business? How was I going to tell my boss that I quit? How was I going to pay the bills? Or how could I even get fired? And what I was really spinning around my head was “How can I continue to control everything in my life?!?”
Then “Liberty” showed me that I just need to stop. Stop spinning plans in my brain. Stop trying to control the world without and relax. Let life unfold the way in needs to unfold in the time in needs to. Show up every day with the intentions for the life I want and have faith that the universe is on my side and will seamlessly roll out the red carpet of my life if I just stop getting in its way.
Freedom from the mind. Freedom from control. Freedom from the old blue print. PEACE.