What is the true meaning of Self-love?
Self-love by definition is: the regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.
The new year rang in and the Universe and my Angels offered me one word to start the year with, “Self-love“. We are told that we are supposed to love ourselves. But I honestly am not even sure I knew what that meant. I mean, isn’t self-love just about about eating healthy and working out at the gym? Or letting go of the asshole you have been dating? In truth those are all forms of self-love, but they are very surface.
The self-love that was presented to me in meditation went a lot deeper, under the skin, deep in the psyche. Self-love was presented in my thoughts as a whole. It was also presented even deeper then how I think and talk to myself. Self-love was about finally releasing the toxic untruths I have been carrying with me for decades. Once those toxic untruths are released then only will the surface start to change. And the true meaning of “As within so without, as above so below,” will begin to be understood.
Days after the new year began I sat in my car after a mediation class. Frantically I wrote the download of information the Angels wanted to share with me. They revealed a seed from my childhood that has affected me more then I have ever cared to look at. I can safely say that we all carry stuff from our childhood that fucked us up a bit. Some definitely more than others. For the most part my childhood seemed healthy. My brother and I always had a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and clothes on our backs. We were very blessed to grow up in a stable environment. But like I said the majority of us have something that we need to work through.
Mine is this: My father has never in the almost 38 years of my life said, ” I love you” to me out loud. My father being a man of very few words has always shown his love through, acts of service. As I have tried to convince myself my entire life that I am ok with this. Deep down the Angels showed me that I need to be honest with myself that I need to hear those words. I am going to dive into this subject and the psychology of this more in a future post.
My brother, whom is two years older, since the day I was born was mad at me. He said it was because he was so excited for me to arrive then the first time he held me I screamed my head off. So because of that, he beat me up and made fun of me my entire childhood. Being an empath I am already hypersensitive and emotional. His abuse made me afraid and feeling unsafe. And all that robbed me of building a healthy level of self-confidence and self-esteem.
My mother in all this would stand back in a tired voice and say, “Stop it.” or “Leave your sister alone.” She never stepped in to make it stop. In regards to my father she would say to me, “Your father never grew up with any sisters. He does not know what to do with a daughter.” Her lack of force and excuse making for others made me grow a deep-seated resentment I was never fully aware of.
Download from the Angels.
This is what was downloaded from the Angels:
(Or what others may know as stream-of-conscious writing)
“The paucity of love spoken by your father, abuse inflicted by your brother, and lack of authority from your mother left you feeling unsafe. Leaving you alone and scared. This cocktail created low self-esteem and self-worth. You felt like you were not seen or properly nurtured. You have continued to surround yourself with lovers whom have not had your best interest. This has only reinforced thoughts that, “You are not enough.” These actions have blocked any true healing or pattern changing.
2018 is to be a year to step into and manifest self-love. Begin to release any residue of victim-hood. Start believing in your power and your wisdom.
Use your full voice to express your thoughts, your creativity, and your actions. Let go of career, money, and this worn out identity. It is time to also let go of these worn out paths. New beliefs are to be planted. Archangel Michael and Archangel Ariel are to walk next to you and help you step into your power. If it no longer servers you it will fall away with grace and ease. Let the new enter with grace and ease. The book on, “what was”, has been closed once and for all. The book of, “what is to be”, has come. This time for true nurturing will be cultivated. The struggle has ended. The war of self has ceased fire.
Beauty and grace are the beginning of something new. Be the temple. Stand tall. Speak with love. Offer compassion and peace to all who are still unconscious. As living unconscious is a choice, some simply do not know that they can awaken.”
(I am going to dive into other subjects from this download in later posts as well.)
Great, so that happened… now what?
For a moment after I received all this information I realized what parts of me needed to be healed. In that moment I felt a little lost. I felt I did not have any real tools to heal this pain. Because if I did wouldn’t I have done that years ago? So I decided instead of using my human mind to fix myself I would surrender it all. I would try to trust that the Universe would deliver me the tools. I realized all that was required of me was to leave my human brain at the door and show up.
A few days later I woke up at 5:30am. My mind began to run circles of endless thoughts. A half hour went by and I decided this was no longer how I was going to start my day. I sat up in bed, closed my eyes, and allowed myself to fall into a deep meditation. The Angels and my Guides quickly showed up.
Side note: Once a month on Friday mornings I attend a class called, “Intuition Gym”. The class is lead by my dear friend, Mark Mezadourian. Before each class we go around the room and everyone states their intention. Mine days before this morning wake up call was of course, “Self-love”. Later in class one thing Mark said that stuck with me was letting the “Adult” in us take control. In a sense that, a lot of us still operate from an adolescent mind. And letting the adult take the lead allows a different mind frame in making decisions.
That morning I decided to let my adult self step in. The adult self began to process the information my Guides wanted to give me. In that moment I received so much clarity. I told myself that from now on I (my adult self) was going to protect and love me. I was going to make sure that all my needs be fully met. And no longer would I rely on others to fulfill me.
Then I began to say in my head to myself over and over, “I love you. I love you. I LOVE you. I love YOU. I fucking LOVE you. I FUCKING LOVE YOU!” I said it over and over until it happened… I finally believed it. And a single dramatic Oscar winning tear rolled down my cheek. Warm tingles rushed through my body and I was instantly calm. For the first time in my entire life I felt safe. I felt protected. I felt I could finally believe and trust myself. And most of all for the first time in my existence as Sara Michelle Lahti I felt loved. PEACE.
P.S. This is only the beginning. I know I just scratched the surface and this is one of may Self-love posts to come. Like every true journey there is no real destination. Just an evolving experience that only gets better with time.
*Note to Readers: Please feel free to share any thoughts or experiences. However, there is a ZERO tolerance for Trolling or Negativity on this site. #GoodVibesOnly!